Frustrated son...

This cracks me up so bad. I had to write it down so I don't forget later. We were headed out to pick up my husband yesterday and I had Brenan all ready to go. He had his shoes on, his jacket on, and had shut off the TV. I told him, "Ok, let mama go potty" and headed for the bathroom. He literally rolled his eyes at me and sighed like it was the most awful thing he had to do to wait for me and he said very clearly "Potty all day long!" Apparently he isn't too impressed with my pregnant woman's bladder. I started laughing so hard that I almost didn't make it all the way to the bathroom!

Telling the family..

I said earlier that I would write a new post about this, so here it is. I am very disappointed in the response that I got from my family when they heard what I consider to be great news. With Brenan, I could feel that people were happy for me. I got phone calls asking how I was doing, people stopped by to see if I needed anything... stuff like that. This time, it is like they don't really dare talk about it, because their true feelings might get revealed, and they are not happy about it at all.

I bought Brenan a couple shirts. One has a little alligator with a smaller alligator in its mouth, very cute, and it says "big brother in training". The other one says "This little heartbreaker is going to be a big brother". I love them. I think they are darling! I wrapped them up and had him open them for his birthday. I even read them aloud, but got choked up and couldnt really give details after I read them. It was like I could hear crickets chirping because no one wanted to say anything. My sister in law, who I had already told, clapped and said "Yeah"... but other than that, no one really reacted at all. I get told alot that we don't need another October baby, because we have quite a few on both sides of the family, but I honestly don't care. I don't care if it was born on Christmas!! This is my miracle and I want people to be happy about it... not negative! I am ecstatic, and my husband says he is happy about it as well. As long as it comes out healthy, with all ten toes and all ten fingers, he doesn't care about anything else. He says its up to me if I want to find out the sex or not. I know I will be having another c-section, because of the hospital I will be going to and the doctor I have, but I am ok with that. Its like because I already have one, no one cares that I am going to have another. It upset me, to not have anyone react to it and some of the comments I got. Maybe I am being too sensitive or whatever, but I was really hoping to get some happy thoughts. I even asked my mom later if she had expected that announcement... she said "I wondered... but not really." Nothing about any emotion whatsoever... just nothing. It might be because of the problems I have had with my husband... but if it comes down to it, I can raise two babies just as easy as I could one. I am so happy and so excited about having another baby that I can't even express it. I just wish I had someone else who was as happy about it as I am to share it with. I guess I have Brenan, he is happy! He is the only one I really talk to about the baby anyway.

History

My hubby and I have problems, and everyone knows it. He doesn't really treat me as well as he should, and my family really as problems with the fact that I stay with him anyway. I love him. That is all there is to it... that and the fact that it is easier for some reason to talk about the bad times, and not so much to talk about the easy/fun/loving times. He can be a very sweet person and very charming, he just doesn't do it very often. I had actually filed for divorce a month before I got pregnant the first time. This time, we were doing great and we had been trying for a while. I dared not tell anyone that we were trying as hard as we were, I didn't need the negativity adding to the rest of it. We tried for 8 months, and I got pregnant but lost the baby in December. It never showed up positive on a pregnancy test, and I hadn't gone to the doctor or anything. After I lost it, I talked to my doctor about it, and he said that since it never showed up, I either didn't really ever have a baby, like it never developed or it had died early on, and it took my body some time to realize it and get rid of it. I got pregnant again in January. I tested positive on the 3rd of February, it showed up really quickly and before I was actually due for my period, but I still wanted to wait until my doctors appointment before telling anyone. I was very nervous about either not actually having a baby in there, or having it not be alive.
At my first appointment, I talked to my doctor about my feelings and talked him into giving me an ultrasound to make sure there was actually a heartbeat in there. It was great to see that there was one. I told my family one day later (will post a separate one about that). I saw the heartbeat on the 6th of March, the day before my sons birthday. I am still having problems with worrying about losing this one, and have horrible dreams about it. I don't have any symptoms of miscarriage, so I have no reason to feel this way, really. I don't have morning sickness most of the time, I have thrown up about 8 times, but with no warning. I don't get sick or feel nauseated before hand.. it just comes up. I am extremely tired, never felt so tired my whole life! I don't remember being this tired with Brenan, I don't think I could work a regular job feeling this way, and I did with him. Other than that, I really can't complain about anything to do with the pregnancy.
I wish more people were happy for me, whether I am happy with the hubby or not, I would still want this baby just as much. I know people don't understand that, or they think I am selfish for having another baby when I told them I was leaving him again. I get so upset that I have to talk to somebody, and that is always the response I get. Leave him. I don't have the perfect marriage like some people do, but its still mine. I have started to not say anything to anyone anymore... I am tired of being judged for not taking the advice when I needed someone to talk to. If its bad, I will keep it to myself.. If its good, I will keep that to myself too, other than maybe posting it on here just to get it out. I don't have any friends that arent a part of my family, so I guess this will be the place to get it out and not actually have to talk to anyone.

Wow, what a feeling!!

I didn't do a very good job of writing things down when I was pregnant with Brenan, and I really regret not having those little details to look back on. I had to write this down, because I want to remember it later.

I just felt the baby move! I have thought that was what I was feeling a couple other times, but I am only 11 weeks and 4 days along, so it is really early to be feeling that. This time, I know for sure that that is what it was! That is the best feeling in the world, to know that my new little person is alive and kicking in there. I hope it sticks around, because I love that feeling.

Brenan the big brother...

I know Brenan is going to be a great big brother. He has always loved babies of all sizes. When he was really little, like less than a year old, he would freak out if he heard a girl baby cry... the boy babies, he just looked at like he couldn't figure out what was wrong with them. Those baby girls crying just ripped at his heart. He is so funny about wanting to see the baby. He will come over and just pull my pants down so he can rub my tummy. He came up to me the other day and wanted to see the baby. I lifted up my shirt and down my pants so he could see my belly. He lifted up his shirt and put his little belly to mine. He wiggled around saying "Nuggle, nuggle, baby" He was already snuggling the baby. He also has picked a name. He insists that the baby is a boy when anyone asks him, and he also tells them that he is naming that little boy Knight. He has said this multiple times, and he always remembers the same name. It has gotten to the point that my hubby has even started calling the baby Knight! Brenan had dumped his water out all over the floor and I walked in and said "Brenan, look what you did." He looked up at me with his serious little eyes and said "Knight did." He even told my doctor that he was naming the baby Knight. My doctor just laughed and said "well, thats a pretty cool name" He also tells me that he wants to tickle the babies bum... that one made me laugh. When he asks about the baby, he says 'tummy' and I say, "yes, the baby is in mama's tummy". He wants to have the baby in his tummy, and he gets upset at me when I tell him he can't. I told him he could hold the baby in his heart, because he loved it, and that seemed to satisfy him. So now, when I ask him where the baby is, he says "heart".
I know there might be that little jealousy thing that comes out after the baby is actually born, but I really am not expecting too much of a problem with it. He might want to hold it all the time, which could pose some problems, but I can't blame him for loving it too much.